Tuesday was my birthday. My 40th birthday.
I had a great day (and despite being rather under the weather, lovely times at the weekend). I have been reminded how blessed I am to have a supportive family and a bunch of intelligent, funny, interesting and different friends from all sorts of places… school, university, workplaces, churches. I need this reminder sometimes when I’m having
one of those lonely seasons.
I don’t think I am scared or challenged by the passing of a milestone.
Well, I suppose there are some things I don’t like – the way my grey hairs are increasing, the length of time it takes for my face to uncrease in the morning, the funny noises my knees are making – but they are just inevitable. If I knew at twenty what I know now at forty then I would have probably made some very different choices – but, as the adage goes, youth is wasted on the young…
Also, if I am honest, this isn’t quite the life I thought I’d be living when I marked my last decade change (understatement!) In fact in no way at all is this what I had imagined – never thought I’d still be single, or live in Colchester, or nearly have a PhD, or be a qualified law librarian, least of all be an antagonistic member of a church PCC and friends with a whole bunch of vicars. So the fact that in the last few weeks I’ve been thinking about other changes, and a different future from the way this current life might pan out, doesn’t really scare me either. The ideas I have are scary but the potential for change, or difference, in the years ahead doesn’t. I think what scares me more is the idea nothing would change.
I have been fortunate to receive gifts which have made me laugh, cry and think. Something from an old friend given with the tag line ‘this is such a Sara present’ made me remember the Sara I used to be – that I had forgotten a part of myself, almost. Not sure I am expressing that very well – may need to ponder that a little more. A parcel I had not rushed to collect – thinking it something dull I had ordered myself – retrieved on Thursday turned out to be a delightful box of 40 things. 40 little, trivial things; but 40 things wrapped and posted with love & friendship of the sort that makes my eyes leak and me feel terribly unworthy. A notebook for plans for world domination. I suppose I am so aware of the negative effect I have on people – being short tempered, grumpy, impatient and forgetful that I’m amazed to find I might have a positive side to offer too – affirmed by the bits of me reflected in the ‘ah, just the thing for Sara.’
So thank you everyone for the cards, tweets, kind words, presents and your presence. Here’s to the next decade.